Olivia, the Stylist

After helping me with Jax's photo shoot yesterday, Olivia was inspired to style her own photo session.  She chose and created the props, wardrobe, and poses.  I just showed up, held the camera, and snapped the photos.  I really enjoyed watching her personality shine, and her bossiness was put to good use.  Maybe there is a touch of me in this child after all.

(This shot is my absolute favorite.)

Yep.  Just of touch of me and a whole lot of her daddy...

We put some of our party decorations to good use and styled a photo shoot for Jaxson in hopes of capturing the perfect photo for a thank you card.  Much to our surprise, we have several options.  How will we ever choose just one?

Have I mentioned that he is spoiled rotten?  We know.  We try.  We fail.  We need a cuteness intervention!

Celebrating Jaxson's 2nd Birthday "Under the Big Top"

We celebrated Jaxson's birthday with a couple handfuls of our closest family and friends (36 to be exact).  When I planned a party for May 31, I envisioned warm weather, gathering outside, and water activities.  Little did I know that a lot of rain was expected, and that the temperature for the day wouldn't exceed 65 degrees.  With that said, our home was very cozy.  We did manage to have an incredible time celebrating our favorite 2 year old.  As everyone was leaving, Jax began saying, "Happy day!"  It was absolutely precious.  Everyday with Jax is a happy day!

Ashley's absence did not go unnoticed.  In fact, I really struggled emotionally.  When our guests left, the five of us let balloons go in memory of her.  This is going to become a yearly tradition.

AHG Board of Review Interview

On Thursday evening, Olivia completed the final requirement needed to level in American Heritage Girls.  

She participated in the incredibly intimidating board of review where she was interviewed for a good 10 minutes by a panel of almost strangers.  She had to recite the AHG oath and creed, discuss her badgework, and answer questions about Sacagawea.  

I was a nervous wreck.  However, my incredibly shy Oli Goose was not a all anxious.  She paraded out of the interview, gave me two thumbs up, smiled from ear to ear, and announced, "I rocked it!"

Ladies and gentlemen...let me introduce to you Olivia Grace, the newest Explorer in her troop...and the girl who makes me so proud that I feel like I might just blow up.

She is without a doubt her daddy's daughter.  Help us all!

Fun Day 2015

Friday was the last day of school for the year.  Wow.  That went fast..too fast.  Anyhoo... the kiddos had a lot of fun celebrating summer with their friends.  

Andrew and Olivia finished the year with all A's.  I don't share that to proclaim that they are super smart or perfect.  They worked extremely hard everyday and put forth their very best efforts for 9 solid months.  This year that equaled A's.  Hard work, determination, strong study skills, and consistency are what they learned again this year.  In my opinion, those are the true measures of success.

Yeah for summer and NO SPELLING LISTS!

Fourth and sixth grades will just have to wait because this momma has a summer of fun planned for her cutie patooties.

Jax is 2!

Very few days pass when I don't relive the day of Jaxson's birth. It was a day filled to the brim with anxiety, happiness, hope, unexplainable joy, fear, and compassion. It was a day when I experienced the scope of just about every emotion possible. Today, I am experiencing a number of those same emotions. 

He is a gift. Everyday. He throws fits. He is indecisive He is funny. He is smart. He is stubborn. He is compassionate. He tries to touch my camera lens every time I take a photo. He is the apple of his siblings' eyes. He is treasured. He is loved. Happy 2nd birthday J Man!

It was super chilly and rainy, but we managed to snap a few sweet photos.

A few of Jax's favorite things are pizza, cookies, Annie, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, outside, slides, trains, letters, his blankie, and bath time.

Journey to Jaxson {23}

As we quietly pulled away from the maternity home that warm May evening, silence filled our comfortable car. In those exact same moments, God's voice was speaking ever so loudly and clearly to my anxious heart.

I remember organizing my jumbled, internal thoughts into a private prayer to my God.  I vividly recall asking, "God, how in the world am I suppose to connect with this woman who could very well be listed in the newest thesaurus as the perfect antonym for Michelle Holman?"

In that exact same moment, I unmistakably heard His simple answer..."I am not asking you to connect with her.  I am asking you to love her.  I am asking you to set aside your selfishness and Michelle-focused desires to truly love my daughter.  My call for you is to love her like I love her!"

I sat contemplating this direction for a considerable amount of time.  I am sure that my body language closely resembled that of my 9 year old daughter when asked to clean her room.

My response went something like this... I am an introvert.  I follow the rules...ALL OF THEM.  I have walls built up around my heart in hopes of avoiding any and all emotional pain.  I am slow to connect with people because I like to observe from a distance before committing to a real relationship.  By nature, compassion isn't my gift, and I am most definitely not physically affectionate.  I like to be in control.  I am a better candidate for a closed or semi-open adoption.  In short, I am a sinner who desperately needs to learn many lessons from Jesus Christ himself.

"God, are you asking me to do the impossible, or are you asking me to turn everything over to you..to be a broken, empty vessel?"

He responded with this challenge, "If you choose to love Ashley like I love her, I will take care of you.  I will protect your heart.  I will heal your brokenness and make what is broken in you new.  I will never leave you alone or on your own for a single second in this process.  Do you trust Me?"

I decided to answer the call.  I decided to throw caution to the wind.  I decided to do something so out of character for me that I struggled to even recognize myself.  I decided to let God completely dictate my relationship with Ashley.  I decided to love like Jesus...without boundaries, rules, or social norms.

The first audible words spoken in the car that evening were... "Scott, this is about so much more than a precious baby boy.  This is about a hurting young woman who God is calling to Him, and this is about me.  I am going to get a first hand schooling at being more like Jesus"

Those words didn't come as a surprise to My Sweet Scotty because God had been speaking to him too.

I have spent years trying to write this very post.  The life changing evening described above took place on May 14, 2013 just a few short days before our Jaxson burst into this world...just a few short days before Ashley's diagnosis.  The significance of my response to God that night overwhelms and humbles me.

Loving Ashley was the easy part of the journey.  Losing her was the hard part.